If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.

I came back with you assuming that there will be more hard seasons, no doubt. There will be days when I’m crazy about you and days when I don’t like you at all. There will be times of pure bliss and times when our faith is the thread holding us together. There will be hardships ahead like nothing we’ve ever faced before, and there will be times so good that we will do everything in our power to hold onto them forever. We’ll face boring and crazy, easy and hard, baby and budgets, wins and losses, joy and pain, long hours and sleepless nights. The seasons will just keep changing, and so will our life together. But one thing that will never change is only the FAITH we have on each other……

but now when we both have started having doubts on each other regarding our roles to make this marriage work , it might get more difficult….. But what do I do more to make it work….. Me still being in love with you after all the hurt is still not enough to make you feel motivated to not hurt me anymore. I have seen the worst of you in a hope that the best of you will also be seen one day. I am trying to not let my last hope die but…😔

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soulmate

Ms. Rishi You are a friend for life time and not for sometime,
I feel so good to call you mine,
You are my support and strength in whatever I do,
Whenever the situation is old or new,

You stand beside me and hold my hand,
the thing is you always will understand, been thru a lot in life we have together,
not a single regret I have not now, not never,
best friends meant to be is what we really are through good times and bad,
you are my life’s brightest star.
Wish you a very happy bday my girl

Back with the lost love

Last year has been a roller coaster….. Lost many things….. Relationships, love, trust, bonds, understanding,friends, family, husband….

Ya almost everything…..

Now trying to gather the broken pieces , finally not alone but with him….

But i have got my learnings from this roller coaster ride –

When you allow the wrong people in your house, stuff will come up missing like; joy, peace , love ,hope, faith . ( Yes people steal these things) peace and blessings.

No need to correct everyone around you… They will learn themselves in the course of time…

Don’t be blind in love not because u want to loose the love but to make sure it stays with u …….

People will not change … Don’t even try to change them… Just be bothered about u and ur husband….. If this bond is strong … Nothing can harm ur relationship

More than people it’s about urself… Keep analysing yourself and your actions at some intervals….. you may not accept in front of the world if you find yourself wrong but make sure to accept and rectify it before it becomes one of the reason for the failure of a marriage.

Prioritize your relationship not more than you but for surely above everything else.

His promises

“I’m sorry” is a statement. “I won’t do it again” is a promise.
“How do I make it up to you”
is a responsibility

Really! this is what I was told when he wanted me to move in with him again.

Sometimes he said he had work …. Some times he was tired…… Sometimes it was his work commitments….. Sometimes he needed to be with his parents…..

He did spent time with me between which he said several times that he was tired…. Have lots of work… So on…and on.

Am I being tooooo judgemental or I am still carrying the baggage of past ….. But I am assuming I am not overthinking… Simply I don’t want to make a fool of myself again ….

Even when one chooses to move on….. The past still haunt you….. I am scared … Tooo scared ….

LOVE IS MY WEAKNESS OR MY STRENGTH

After being in love for almost 18 years I am back to square one and questioning my self – that the love I feel is my weakness or my strength .

It did become my strength when I was low on something and he was around me to love and care for me but yes it did become my weakness when I knew he is not worth that love I still choose to love him.

Someone have beautifully quoted

TO BE LOVED IS A STRENGTH.

TO LOVE IS A WEAKNESS

He is trying his best to keep me happy, but is it enough now? Is it normal to fall out of love with someone? If yes then why it never happened with me .

Was he toooooo perfect that I never felt the need of someone else.

Or

I was so imperfect that he fell for some one else.

If this is the case then how come when he did all the possible things to hurt this relationship ,me and my child I am still in love with him.

Why?

I married him assuming he is my strength but now I know he is my weakness .

Why didn’t you saved us ?

Letting go is hard, but sometimes holding on is harder.
So I waited when I knew it’s of no use….. But because you specifically said you will…. I did wait for ur reply to the mail I have sent you yesterday.

I just didn’t wanted to come for that dinner because somewhere I knew I will be expecting you to explain me why ……. Why you did dis but dad forced me …. And just for his sake I accompanied him.

So yes again I felt dere was no desperate need to bring me back or win me bak …..I was waiting for that desperate need and urge to wish me good morning how you wished her….. I thought because you said it will be a new beginning you will call me several times to if not convince me but just to know how am I …..I thought you will be waiting for me with flowers as you did for her but again that dinner felt like any other dinner we had with the family.

I scrolled on to your whattsup dp….. But still it was same, the usual you …. Before going to sleep yesterday I checked my phone several times for that one beep flashing your message saying goodnite as it flashed in her phone daily.

I was definitely not this cheesy and never bothered you for the good morning or good night messages assuming you mite find it kiddish ….. But no I was wrong you loved doing it with her daily….. I am still wondering then why not me ever even when you were in love with me .

When finally I choose to speak up

I’m not sure I’m ready to put this into words but I know if I don’t try I’ll continue regretting not putting into words what needs to be said. So, at least at the end of this, no matter how it ends, I can at least say I tried
Sometimes you can love somebody with all of your heart and at the same time – NOT want them back. Everything has a breaking point – hearts included… and when it comes to broken hearts there’s only so many times you can piece yourself back together before you realize you can’t go through it any more. You continue to love them, despite all of their flaws and the pain they’ve caused you…. But you don’t want them back because you realize deep down there’s no such thing as back. Not back in time to undo everything that was said and done…. And not back together again because you’re not the same person anymore. You’ve been hurt so many times now that you’d rather break your own heart missing them – than give them the opportunity to do it again…
In this past year with you, I’ve learned a lot. About myself, about relationships, being an adult, about love. Over the years I’ve learned that I’m the type of person who loves with her entire being. When I love or care about someone, I let my entire world revolve around them. That’s what I did with you. You came into my life and you weren’t a person–you were this entity that I became enraptured with——it all seemed too good to be true. I didn’t take the time to figure out what I wanted and what I needed from someone–from you, from our relationship.
I’m going to be honest with you because that’s what people who care about each other do. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time and it’s gone on long enough because honestly, it hurts too much. It’s not fair. I’m holding on because I hope things will change, which is perfectly reasonable, but I can’t change a person. I can’t change you, and I can’t change your situation. I can only change myself and the situations I choose to be a part of. You choose to let this nonsense continue and I’ve tried to understand and ignore it, but I can’t anymore. If you wanted to move on, you could. If you wanted to change the dynamics of your relationship with this other woman, you could. I know you well enough by now to know that when you want someone out of your life, that’s it—they’re out. You have had plenty of time to reevaluate your situation and the damage it does to yourself and other people. Why have you done nothing about it? And I don’t mean making profiles private or pursuing secret relationships because that’s childish. I mean taking action and making adult decisions.
I just want you to realize what I’m worth. I invited you into my life, my head, my heart, my family, my bed. That is all very special, and not everyone I meet is entitled to those things. I’ve given you everything and in return, you’re not even really mine. A relationship—no matter what kind—falls apart the minute dishonesty comes into play. It is no longer fair to me to allow dishonesty from you when honesty is expected from me. And I know you will read this and not realize where I’m coming from but I do hope you try. You are the most important person in my life. But, I only have one life, why spend it with someone who doesn’t make me feel like the most important person in their world?
It’s funny how having the confirmation of your suspicions (however sure of them you already are) can really knock you for six. The realisation that “my god! this is actually happening to me” is something that I couldn’t prepare myself for. You go through such emotions in that space of time, all of the ones you might expect; anger, hate, sadness, fear…a roller coaster.
The thing that made it so bad is the fact we have a 6-year-old child together. I had always hoped I’d be in a marriage that would be stable enough that any children I had would never have to go through kind of parental split and it looks like he is well on his way to experiencing that first hand! If only you hadn’t been so selfish and had been at home with your family instead of spending so much time out by yourself.
Yet when I did gather the nerve to talk to you about your affair were still arrogant enough to claim it was only a “one-off” fling that didn’t mean anything, as if that would allow me to forgive and forget. Even a momentary lapse is enough to undo years of trust and love – you betrayed me and have changed the feature of our son’s life.
Whether you leave me or I leave you, I am going to miss you—this will be something I never quite get over. I’m going to feel heartbroken—like a failure, someone who just couldn’t make it work despite her best efforts. But if it doesn’t end, I continue looking stupid and foolish because I let this happen. But, life sucks sometimes. The most I can do is embrace the heartache and hold onto my pride which I have slowly been losing with each day I ignore the other major relationship in your life. I hate being alone, but I am 100% content knowing that I will not give myself to anyone undeserving. This is my life and I am the most important person in it and for the past 18 years, I’ve forgotten that.
I love you. I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I do for you. I would do almost anything for you—anything you ask of me. The memories I get to keep as a result of being with you are some of the best I have But one thing I cannot do is continue letting you lead me down a path of dishonesty. You don’t see it as dishonesty, I get that, but unfortunately that is what has happened. Whether it’s lying about spending time with her while you’re gone or lying about the “complicated situation,” or telling her I’m a crazy wife, lying is lying and it still hurts the people who care about you.
I’ve fought for you in the only possible way I know how—by being there for you and loving you. But I realize I’m fighting a losing battle. You’re everything to me—and I’m not much to you. I do truly hope you read this and try to see it through my point of view—I don’t understand this situation. And if I get nothing from you now, I never will. I wanted to—I wanted to know who she is, the part she played in your life, if you’re still sleeping with her—so many questions that, until answered, made me question our involvement with each other.
And the sickest thing and even I have to admit this, few months back when after I came in face with the reality and choose to stay with you, is that at the end of the day, I let this happen. I turned the other way. I have let you continue having other relationships and continued believing your lies. I was upset and yelled and screamed when I was alone but never thought I would ever let you go. And that, above all else, made me the most pathetic person I’ve ever known.
I want you to know that for the sake of a bit more excitement with a stranger, you have sacrificed your marriage and your relationship with your child. You have not only changed your future but ours, something I hope will only be for the better.